Ahhhh, pregnancy. A time for growth (literally), excitement, and getting attacked by strangers on everything you do and don’t do. Good times.
In most cases, people have good intentions. They are not saying something with the intention of upsetting you but out of “concern”. Throughout my pregnancy I have gotten a lot of support and good advice, but also some comments that I wish I didn’t have to hear. Today I want to share some of the things that people said to me during my pregnancy that made me either uncomfortable, or just pissed off.
- “Was it planned?”
This question caught me off guard. I didn’t really think much of it, and simply answered “yes”. But after the fact I thought: what if it wasn’t planned? What if it was an oops moment and now someone was making me answer this question. I felt uncomfortable even though my answer was “yes” but I can’t imagine how it would feel if someone’s answer was “no”. So maybe don’t ask this question.
- “You shouldn’t eat xyz food because of xyz risk”
This is something that has been driving me crazy! I do share my personal life on the internet so I get more feedback than the average pregnant lady, but the fact that everyone has something to say about everything I eat is frustrating. I have done my own research after being nervous about this. I have spoken with my care provider about dietary restrictions during pregnancy. I feel like I am able to make an educated decision on what I am eating without the feedback (and straight up alarmist reactions) of others.
- “Don’t lift anything!”
I’m pregnant, not disabled. Of course I know I shouldn’t be lifting heavy objects but I am not breakable. I feel like everyone is going to attack me on this one but seriously, my doctor told me to live my life as normal unless there are any complications and I’m doing just that. Besides, I’m a weakling anyway so I can’t even lift heavy objects when I’m NOT pregnant!
- “Your husband should be doing more”
Again, I am pregnant, not disabled. I do not need to lay in bed all day and force my husband to take over all of the responsibilities.
- “Life will be over once the baby comes, no sleep or time for anything!”
Wow, way to take the joy out of starting a family. That might be something you experienced but I’m excited for my baby to come. Sure, I won’t be sleeping and will have to devote all of my time to making sure that this tiny human stays alive, but I’m excited. This is what I want. No need to be a Debby Downer about it.
- “You better breastfeed”
I am planning on breastfeeding my baby, however, I don’t understand why people feel that it’s okay to dictate that someone “better” do it “or else”. Like I said, I’m PLANNING on breastfeeding. What happens if my baby doesn’t want the boob? What happens if my milk supply isn’t enough? You never know how breastfeeding will go. To know that people think it’s okay to shame moms into feeling that if they don’t breastfeed their children that they are bad moms is sickening.
- “You shouldn’t add more babies to this overpopulated world”
….WTF? Bye troll.
- “What gender do you prefer to have?”
It’s 2019 and I feel like the topic of gender is already sensitive enough. Asking a parent what gender they prefer also sounds like a good way to get in trouble fast. For one thing, if I tell you I “prefer” a boy but then end up having a girl, am I going to receive pity from you? This is just an uncomfortable and strange question. If someone wants to share this information with you on their own, fine, but don’t make them answer.
- “I feel bad that your husband is going to have to deal with your crazy mood swings”
Good thing you’re not my husband.
- “Don’t be too emotional, it will affect the baby”
So you’re saying that when hormones are raging, and I’m crying of sheer joy for my baby, that I am going to affect my baby in a negative way? Come onnnnnnn. You try watching those animal adoption commercials without crying when you’re pregnant (or even when you’re not!!!).
I could probably make this list go on and on but these are just some of the things that I have personally experienced and I’m not even half way there. I swear, moms are the strongest people out there. You get told how to live your life when you’re pregnant and then you have the baby and get told how to raise your children. Becoming a mom has definitely given me a thicker skin. I was annoyed at first, now I’m kind of just over all the BS coming from others. I make my own choices. I do what’s right for my baby, myself and my family. I’m happy. That’s all that matters.
Don’t make women feel bad by saying these things to them. Just don’t.
THANKS.