Why “Don’t Hold Your Baby Too Much” Is Bad Advice

Hi Mama,

One of the biggest criticisms I received as a new mom has been how much I’ve been holding my baby. As a YouTuber, I share my life through videos and a lot of people have opinions on how I should be doing things. I get so many comments from people saying that I shouldn’t be holding my baby so much because she’s going to get used to it and then I won’t be able to put her down.

Unfortunately, a lot of moms get this advice as well and sometimes will listen to it in fear of having their baby be too dependent on them. But I’m here to tell you that it’s okay to hold your baby and you should hold your baby. Here’s why.

It supports their development

If your baby has only been in this world for a few weeks, they’re still adjusting to life outside the womb. When you hold your baby you’re giving them support and comfort that they usually had when they were safe inside your belly. They crave that and they need that in order to develop into happy and independent (yes!) little humans.

Studies show that babies who are held more when they are younger end up being more independent as they grow up. That is because when they feel they are supported as a baby they spend less time worrying about their safety. This gives them the ability to learn and develop more quickly than babies who are constantly living in fear of their own safety. And it makes sense! Their brains can only handle so much information at any given time so if they feel threatened or unsafe they are unable to focus on any other tasks at hand.

I’m not saying your baby needs to be glued to you at all times, however, as you get to know your baby you’ll see different times of day and different activities where they would prefer to be held by you. My baby loves to nap on me after feed in the morning. I’ll try and get her to go down in her bed for her naps during the afternoon so that way she’s not constantly being held, however I do allow her to have this morning cuddle nap as it makes both of us happy.

I also hold her a little extra in the evening when she becomes fussy. Babies tend to be more fussy toward bedtime as the day has been stimulating their minds and they become very tired. The only way for them to tell you they’re tired is to cry and the only way for them to be calm is to feel loved and supported by their parents. Hold your baby, rock them, soothe them and help them to get a good nights sleep.

It’s good for mom too

Did you know that holding your baby is also good for YOU? When you spend time with your baby, especially skin-to-skin, oxytocin is is released. That is the chemical in your body that produces happy feelings. You get this when you’re breast-feeding as well.

Spending time with your baby is beneficial to your overall mental health because it helps you to relax. How have you felt when you let your baby lay by themselves crying. You probably felt pretty horrible! I know I have! Therefore, there are times when it’s best to just hold your baby soothe them and give them lots of love. It will help both of you.

They are not manipulating you (yet!)

It is also been proven young babies are not able to manipulate their parents just yet. When they cry and you pick them up, they are not getting a signal in their brain that connects crying to get picked up. There’s simply trying to communicate with you in the only way they know possible. If they stop crying when you pick them up it’s because they needed your your support and to be soothed by you.

That means that holding your baby is not going to create a habit as some people are afraid of. It’s not true that your baby can become addicted to being held if they are only a few weeks or months old. Of course when they become a little older you should try and let them do things on their own and if you’ve supported them throughout the early months and weeks that shouldn’t be a problem for them. They should have the confidence to do things alone like play with their toys and just lay down and watch the world around them.

So next time so next time somebody tries to give you advice not to hold your baby, just smile and say thank you! You don’t have to take their advice. That’s actually the best part of being a mom! You can listen to advice and you can decide what advice fits with your parenting style. After all, it’s your baby and you are the boss. Just do what’s right for you and your baby and everything else will fall into place.

Let me know in the comments below if somebody told you not to hold your baby too much. How did you react? Also if you have advice for other moms please leave it down below as well!

Thanks so much for reading!

Read next: 

11 Fun Activities To Do With Your Newborn Baby 

5 Things I Wish Someone Told Me Before My C-Section

xo
Mother of Fawn