I’ve been to Vietnam 4 times now, spending about 14 weeks there between all 4 trips. Every time I come to Vietnam, I feel like I add so much more value to my life. My Vietnamese language skills improve, I try new foods, see new places, and become even closer with Huy’s family.
Naturally, people are curious to know if we have ever considered moving to Vietnam since we would be near Huy’s family and the cost of living is cheaper. Of course there are pros and cons to living in both the US or Vietnam. The housing prices in the US make us want to move to Vietnam. The bribe culture in Vietnam makes us want to stay in the US. I personally would love to eat pho and wear a dress every day but with that comes many other sacrifices.
Traveling to Vietnam and having a deeper understanding of the culture and the society has also in turn allowed me to understand more about the American culture and my identity. I remember when I had never traveled outside of the US I thought that America had no culture and that we were so boring. All our food is borrowed from other cultures. Our towns and cities are named after places far from here. What’s so good about us?
There was even a time when I felt like I would be willing to just drop everything and move to Vietnam. Of course, this wasn’t fully related to me not understanding my own country’s culture but was more rooted in the fact that the Vietnamese culture puts a huge emphasis on family, and if Huy wanted to move back to be with his family, I was more than willing to do so. After all, what would I actually be missing here in America?
Each time I go back to Vietnam I learn and I grow. The first time I was there was a little rough. I loved the new experiences I was having but I also didn’t quite understand or accept the culture despite my best intentions, which left me in a place of frustration. I didn’t understand why everything revolved around the family. What about me? What about what I want? I just wanted to be my independent self.
The second trip happened a few years later which gave me time to mature a little and learn more about the culture. The things that upset me before were now starting to feel normal and like no big deal. But I was still feeling that independent mindset poking through. That’s when I started to realize that it wasn’t something that was going to go away.
I’ve been born and raised in a society which teaches us that we are in charge of ourselves. We make our choices and we decide how much other people’s opinions affect those choices. No matter how much I’ve been able to accept of the Vietnamese culture, I have continued to struggle with this. I’ve mentioned before that I consider myself to be half Vietnamese, and that’s not a lie. I do feel like I’ve done a pretty good job at not just learning the culture, but allowing it to become ingrained in me and a part of who I am.
Huy’s family would love it if we lived in Vietnam, and I’ve entertained the thought a few times, but it’s always brief. It’s not just because I don’t think I would be able to deal with the societal differences, it’s Huy too. He’s become very Americanized after living in the US for 10 years. We have built our entire life here. I wish there was a way to be in two places at once, or to bring the two countries closer together, but there isn’t. And that means we have to choose.
We plan to buy a house, start a family and build our children’s future in the US. But make no mistake, we still consider Vietnam to also be our home. Now that we are established with our careers we try to visit every 1-2 years and we cherish every moment of those visits.
I still wonder what it would be like if we could just live in Vietnam for a year to see how it goes, but I know that after a few weeks it would be hard for me. Can I eat pho for breakfast every day? Yes. Will I feel like I’ve lost some independence? Probably.