Hi Mama,
Who knew feeding toddlers could be so stressful? We went from spoon feeding our infant cherub to fighting with a tantrum throwing toddler in a matter of months. Today I wanted to share my experience and give you 8 tips for making mealtime with a toddler less stressful! My daughter Mia is 16 months old and we are just finally getting into a good feeding routine!
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Let’s dive in…
We recently went through a phase where feeding Mia was super difficult. I was having a lot of stress around meal time and my husband and I would literally fight about who was going to feed her each meal because it was so difficult. I’m talking over an hour to get through a meal. So how did we get here?
When Mia was around 14 months, she started to refuse sitting in her high chair. I had purchased a Montessori style weaning table from Sprout Kids, (get 10% off with my link here: *https://sprout-kids.com?ref=audreynguyen) so I thought maybe she was ready to sit at her own table to eat her meals.
The first meal went okay, but she quickly learned that she had the freedom to stand up from her seat and run around the kitchen. It got to the point where we were literally chasing her with the spoon to try and get her to take a bite. She would take one bite and then have to run around the kitchen or dance before she took another bite. 
Our famous quote during this time was, “well at least she’s eating”. We would say that to try and justify the fact that we were letting her run wild and ultimately run the show during meal time. I didn’t want to admit that the way I was feeding her was “wrong” so I kept pushing through. But as time passed, it became more and more stressful.
I would forego eating my own meals because I was so focused on trying to get her to eat her food. There would be times when she would get silly and start spitting her food on the floor. Whenever she wouldn’t finish her meal or would spit food, it triggered my postpartum rage, and was really difficult to deal with. My blood pressure was shooting through the roof.
Then one Sunday, shit hit the fan. I was feeding Mia her salmon for dinner and when she started to spit the salmon out on to the floor after barely eating anything and refusing her lunch, I lost it. I had a huge rage episode that I was not proud of. I was screaming at her and in the end started to cry because I felt so guilty for screaming at her.
That night we decided we had to make a change. I sat down with my husband and we discussed ways that we can change the feeding routine to be less stressful and hopefully give more structure for Mia so she knows it’s time to eat. Luckily, I had been following a few baby and toddler feeding accounts on Instagram so we looked at them together and compiled a list of the tips that we learned. 
Some of the accounts I follow are @kids.eat.in.color, @pediatric.dietition, @solidstarts and @feedinglittles. Check out these accounts for lots of great tips and information! I saw that @biglittlefeelings also has shared some tips for mealtime so I recommend them, too! I am certainly not a dietitian or a feeding expert, so just a disclaimer that I’m simply sharing what I have learned from experience!
I saw this quote when doing my initial research on feeding toddlers and I used it as my inspiration moving forward. It goes…
“You choose where, when, and what they eat. They choose how much and whether they eat or not”.
This is obviously a lot easier said than done, especially if you are like me and have a petite child who is on the lowest growth curve. The last thing I want is for her to lose weight which is why I have been so adamant about continuing to spoon feed her into toddlerhood. But I decided to let go and see how this new feeding plan would work. So far it’s been great!
So now I want to share some of the changes that we made to our mealtime routine that have worked well for us and have completely taken the stress out of mealtime with our active toddler!
8 Tips For Stress-Free Mealtimes with an Active Toddler
Keep the eating location consistent.
As I mentioned before, we were letting Mia run around the kitchen while she ate her meals. Sometimes she would be at her table, sometimes she would be climbing her learning tower, and sometimes she would even be running around outside on the deck! Insanity!!! So we decided that we were going to put her back in the high chair for her meals so that she could be more focused on eating, and be in one place so we didn’t have to chase her anymore.
We also moved the high chair into the dining room so she is now eating at the table instead of in the kitchen. Honestly it sounds kind of crazy because why wouldn’t we be sitting at the table to begin with? I do not know. But this was the first change we made and it already made a HUGE difference because it reinforced a sense of routine and helped to keep her focused and understand that the high chair means it’s time to eat. We even started serving snacks in the high chair as well if we are home during snack time.
Let her feed herself. 
Now that I was no longer going to be spoon feeding Mia all her meals, I needed a new plate and utensil set so that she could start eating by herself. This isn’t really the first time she’s ever fed herself, but isn’t of having us guide her on every bite, I decided we would just leave her be and learn how to get the food from her plate to her mouth on her own.
I ended up ordering *this silicone suction plate from Bumkins on Amazon and a *set of toddler utensils from Munchkin. I set the plate in front of her with her meal and a fork and spoon and let her do her thing. In the beginning, a lot of food fell off the spoon but literally in 2 days she mastered getting the food to her mouth with both the spoon and the fork. I actually offer both utensils with every meal so she can explore them and try eating in different ways.
Serve a variety of foods including a “safe food”.
I love that the plate I got had 3 compartments because I can put 3-4 different food options on the plate and since they are separated it’s less overwhelming for Mia. She can explore each food as she decides what she wants to eat. The best part is, the food looks so appetizing and cute when I plate it. I think that’s probably my favorite part of feeding her this way because I like to make everything look really nice and delicious so she can enjoy the food with her eyes as well as her mouth, just like adults do! 
So what do I serve? I mentioned a “safe food” because that’s something I read about when I was doing my research. As safe food is something that your toddler will eat no matter what, so if they end up not wanting to eat any of the other options on their plate, they still eat something. So I’ll usually serve a starch like rice or sweet potato, a meat like chicken or pork, and then a veggie like bok choy, carrots, etc. or a fruit. Mia doesn’t really like eating veggies on their own so I do include them in meatballs and spaghetti sauce to get her to eat them, but I still continue to serve them with every meal so she can get exposed to them.
She is a huge fruit fan so usually when I serve fruit, there is no problem there. Her current safe food is strawberries so we go through a lot of berries in this house. I actually saw a funny toddler quote online that was like, “can my toddler survive on berries and air?”. I thought that was hilarious but also so true.
Don’t worry about if she finishes the plate or not.
You just have to worry about doing your job as the parent which is to offer a variety of nutritious foods at every meal. I know, it can be super frustrating when you serve a meal and your toddler doesn’t eat much. In our house the food that doesn’t get finished usually ends up in the dog’s dish which I guess is fine because it’s better than the trash and the dog has to eat too. But sometimes Mia will surprise us and eat everything and ask for more! Some days she will be crazy about sweet potatoes and other days she won’t touch them. I just try to go with the flow and trust that if she’s hungry, she will eat. If not, then she will eat at the next snack or meal. 
Don’t focus too much on what they are or are not eating.
So the next tip is to not focus too much on how or what they are eating. I find that if I leave the plate in front of Mia, get my own plate and just focus on eating my meal, she tends to do better. I think when we watch really closely and try to tell them to eat certain things, they feel pressure and as a result, they resist eating.
I do however, watch her in the corner of my eye and try to keep track of which foods she ate more or less of at each meal, that way I can balance her diet out throughout the day. Some meals she may not eat any protein so I’ll be sure to serve a little extra or to serve the protein first at the next meal and then add the other food groups to the plate once she’s eaten something.
That’s my little insurance tip for you. If your toddler is going to dive right into the strawberries if you serve them with the meal, you can always serve them 5 minutes after the meal begins so that they explore eating some of the other options on their plate before filling up on strawberries.
Trust that they know how much food their body requires. 
I know it can be really tempting to start spoon feeding your toddler toward the end of the meal if you felt like they didn’t eat enough. I’m definitely guilty of wanting to do this and have had to explain to my mother-in-law that we don’t spoon feed anymore because it takes away her power to decide when she’s had enough to eat.
We do baby sign language because Mia cannot speak just yet, so when she signs “all done” I verbalize and respect her wishes, even if she hasn’t eaten everything. For example, I will respond by saying, “I see that you are all done with your food. Let mama finish her meal and then we can play together”.
If it’s the end of the meal and she signs “all done” I say something like, “Okay, you said you’re all done so I’m going to take away your plate now. We can eat again later”. The first one I like to do if she really hasn’t eaten much or for a long time because sometimes she will sign all done but she doesn’t like one of the foods on her plate, rather than being done eating. If I just let her sit with me while I eat the rest of my food then she might start eating again so I give her a chance.
Once she starts throwing food on the floor though, that’s what I’ll definitely say something like, “you’re throwing food now. That tells me that you’re all done eating. I’m going to take away your plate now”.
Let them get messy. 
So then the next tip is to let them get messy. I don’t mean let them mess your whole house by throwing their food around, but rather offering utensils but allowing them to eat with their hands if they would like. It’s a great sensory activity and allows them to learn more about the texture of their foods, which helps them to be less apprehensive about taking a bite because they know what to expect. Wait until the meal is over before trying to clean them up. They might end up with yogurt everywhere but that’s just the sign of a meal well done! Embrace the mess!
Eat with them.
Make mealtime a family event! I feel like this tip is so intuitive but honestly we never ate together as a family until we changed up the feeding routine. We felt like we always had to feed Mia so we wouldn’t be able to actually eat anything if we tried to eat at the same time as her. Now looking back I wish we made family meals a part of our routine much earlier because we could have avoided a lot of stress and fights!
I usually get grumpy if I’m hungry so when I was struggling to feed Mia without feeding myself I had little to no patience for her. Now everyone eats together and it’s amazing. I still eat super fast being a first time mom with little help so I usually can sneak in a few dishes while Mia finishes her meal and overall this has improved my mood. Or, I can just sit and relax for a few minutes which is such a new concept for me!!
So those are the tips that I wanted to share with you today. If you want more posts on the topic of feeding your toddlers or babies, leave a comment down below! Also be sure to follow me on Instagram for baby food inspiration and cute pics of Mia! 🙂
Thanks for reading.
Stay safe and well, mama.
xo
Mother of Fawn
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