Hey Mama,
It’s currently January 13th as I sit to write this post. That’s exactly 1 month away from my February 13th due date! Knowing that there is only one month left until I get to meet my baby girl is insane. I actually really can’t believe it and am stunned, which is why I felt like sharing these feelings with you today. This post is going to be an “emotions before birth v.s. after birth” reflection exercise.
At this point I am pretty ready for her to come. We found a pediatrician, met with our doula, installed the car seat and packed the hospital bag. I’ll be wrapping up at work before my maternity leave starts and plan to attend a breastfeeding class next weekend but other than that, I’d say we are in pretty good shape.
I thought that getting to this point would give me a sigh of relief since I’m as “ready” as I can be, and ready ahead of schedule as well. That doesn’t seem to be the case though. Instead, I’m met with new emotions that I hadn’t had before.
I look at baby girl’s clothes and I’m so excited to meet her. I feel her kick and imagine what she’s gonna look like and the type of person she’s going to become. It’s incredible. But I think I’m also starting to realize that life is never ever going to be the same. Once she comes out, she’s not going back in, she’s here to stay. And I’ll officially be a mom.
I’m not nervous for the birth. I know I’m going to be a good mom. But I think the part that’s hard for me right now is not knowing the kind of person I’m going to be on the other side of this life event. There’s no doubt that I’m going to be a different person. I think I’m more nervous to meet that person than I am to meet my daughter.
I want to be a good mom to my baby but I also want to make sure that I don’t lose my current identity as I step into this new chapter. The unknown really scares me and the feeling that there is no stopping this train into motherhood is insane to me. I thought my biggest concern was not knowing when she is going to make her arrival (before or after the due date) but now I’m seeing that the real anxiety is coming from not knowing what to expect once she does arrive.
I know I can do this. I know it’s going to be amazing. But I also know I can’t be the only one who feels this hesitation of transforming into a mother pretty much overnight. I’ve never even seen a newborn in person before. Yes, I’m serious. Just wow.
So what’s the point of this post? I think I really just wanted to share my feelings and see if anyone else can relate. I also want to be able to look back on this later once baby girl comes and I’ve had some time to adjust to all of the changes. I know that when I look back I’m sure that these fears are going to seem so silly. That makes me feel a little better.
With that I think I’ll stop writing this post and add on in 2 months to report back just how things have changed. See you on the other side!
February 8, 2020
Okay, I know I said I would come back and report in 2 months from the last installment, but baby girl came early! Fawny girl was born on January 26th! She was 6 pounds 5 ounces and 19 inches long. I was 37 weeks and 3 days into my pregnancy when she decided to make her debut. I’m going to share posts about the events leading up to her brith and the birth story as well so stay tuned for that.
Related video: Fawny’s Birth Vlog!
But I’m here to let you know that I was right. Now that my baby girl is here, looking back on the fears I had a few weeks ago just seems so silly. I was really worried that I was going to be a different person after Fawny arrived, and guess what? I am! But in a good way!
My heart has grown bigger and loves harder than before. I am filled with strength and courage. Yes, I’m sleep deprived but I am truly happy. I can’t believe that I get to spend the rest of my days loving my little girl.
I know that if you’re expecting your first baby, you probably have some fears or nervousness of your own. I highly recommend that you try this exercise. Write down what’s worrying you and what your nervous about before your bundle of joy arrives, then revisit it after they come into the world. Just like me, you’ll likely find that your worries have completely melted away now that you have met the missing part of you.
Leave a comment and let me know if you can relate to this post or if you have advice for other soon-to-be moms! I’d love to hear your stories and insights!
xo
Mother of FawnÂ