Hi Mama,
At 30 weeks pregnant I hosted my own baby shower at my house. I planned and executed everything myself. I invited my friends, decorated my place and prepared the food. I was exhausted but also happy because by the end of it, I had a successful celebration of my baby girl, which is all I really wanted.
Related Video: The Baby Shower Vlog!
But I will admit, I was kind of worried at first. When I first found out I was pregnant, I knew I wanted to do all the baby stuff, including having a baby shower. I’ve mentioned before that since we got married in Vietnam, I didn’t have any of the American wedding traditions, so I wanted to enjoy everything related to having a baby this time around.
I did a google search about how to plan a baby shower and was shocked. I was surprised to find out that it was taboo to plan your own shower because it looked “tacky” and like you were asking for gifts. Apparently it’s only okay to ask for gifts if someone else is planning the party on your behalf. I kept reading and saw other things that didn’t sit well with me: writing where you are registered on the invitation to the party, no men allowed at the party, etc.
Since I live far away from my family I decided that I was going to just plan my own shower. I mean, if I wasn’t going to plan it then I wasn’t going to have a party at all and that would be silly! While souring the internet for stories about planning your own shower, I saw a lot of mamas-to-be in online forums who were sad when no one planned a shower for them. They waited for a sister, mother, or friend to step up and plan it and it just didn’t happen. When I read that I felt sorry for them but also wondered why they didn’t just take matters into their own hands. If you want a party, have a party!!
But the worst part wasn’t even that these moms were sad they didn’t have a party, but that there were other moms who said that they shouldn’t plan their own parties. I just couldn’t understand what the issue was with this. It’s your baby, why can’t you celebrate that? Again, I just kept reading that it “looks bad” to plan your own party because it looks like your asking for gifts. Why does it have to be about gifts though?! I swear, between this and the fact that Christmas is so stressful for people who feel like they have to buy gifts to celebrate, this world just doesn’t make sense.
So despite what those bitter ladies of the internet believed I went ahead and started planning my party. Since we had just bought a house I wanted it to be a double celebration of the house and the baby. I don’t have a ton of friends so the guest list was actually really short. I invited around 16 guests and had about 12 people show up for the party (which is a huge success in my books). I liked that I was able to invite a few guys to the party since I wasn’t following the traditional rules of “women only”. I also wasn’t planning any cheesy baby games since I figured that would be awkward. I just wanted to have snacks, music and good company. And that’s exactly what I got!
Even though I was super nervous about the fact that my friends were not friends with each other prior to the party, everyone mixed and mingled and had a good time chatting and getting to know each other. And since it was a baby/housewarming we had plenty to talk about. We gave house tours to our friends who were coming to visit our new home for the first time and of course had lots of conversation around the baby and our plans for parenthood.
After my successful party I thought back to the women who I had read about online who were sad that they didn’t get a shower. And that’s when I knew I needed to write this blog post. I want all the mamas-to-be to feel like they are special. Sometimes you have to take matters into your own hands to give yourself the party you think you (and your baby) deserve. And to all the women who think it’s taboo to plan your own party and discouraged others from doing so, wtf is wrong with you?! Shame on you!
Having a baby is hard. Becoming a mother is hard. Why do moms make it harder for other moms?
Let me know your baby shower experience in the comments. Did you plan your own or was it planned by someone else? What was the best part? Do you think it’s okay to plan a baby shower for yourself? I’d love to hear your stories below!
xo
Mother of Fawn
You made the right decision. Don’t wait for anybody, you are responsible for your own happiness. You don’t like a tradition? Change it, or invent a new one. May your life be full of surprises and new traditions created by the growing Nguyen family.
I completely agree!! This is exactly the reason why we don’t eat turkey on Thanksgiving or Christmas anymore, because we actually hate turkey!! Now we eat steak or pho instead and we are happier! 😀 Thanks for the love, Daribel.