Hi Mama,
Do you have the perfect birth plan prepared for your delivery day? I bet you’ve thought of everything: the lighting, the doula, the manner in which you would give birth, favorite labor positions, etc. I did too. I had my birth planned down to the meal I was going to eat during early labor. And then you wanna know what happened? My baby decided to come 3 weeks early and my entire birth plan went out the window… but my birth was still perfect. ❤️
Today I’m here to tell you that while having a birth plan is a great idea, you should also be prepared for your plans to change completely on the fly.
This is the last post in my five-part birth story series.
My birth story in chapters:
- Deciding between the ECV and a scheduled C-Section
- Being surprised by my daughter’s early arrival
- Emotions in the hours and few days after birth
- Recovering from my C-Section
- My birth didn’t go as planned (and I’m okay with that)
And so, the story continues….
My Birth Didn’t Go As Planned (And I’m Okay With That)
When I imagined giving birth to my daughter, I saw myself having a natural labor with dimmed lights, light relaxing music, and a birthday cake and balloon for my baby girl once she made her appearance. I hired a doula to make sure that all my natural birth dreams would come true. I spent most of my pregnancy preparing my body for this birth. I ate well, stayed active with walking and squats, and spent time visualizing the birth that I wanted for my baby.
But then everything changed. I found out that she was breech at nearly 37 weeks and was faced with only two options: try to turn her using an ECV or schedule a C-section. I was completely crushed. I agonized over the decision for a few days, crying because I just wanted my baby to tell me what she wanted because I wanted to do what was best for her. Then I got my wish.
At 37 weeks and 2 days my water broke. We went to the hospital and 6 hours later my sweet girl was born via c-section. I had already come to the decision that day before that I wasn’t comfortable with the ECV and was planning to call my doctor on Monday to schedule the c-section (despite being so scared of it!).
I had just eaten dinner before coming to the hospital so I had a full stomach and they didn’t want to operate right away. I labored for the 6 hours before the procedure. My doula was with me to comfort me and keep me calm, but honestly I was calm in my own. I’m usually a very anxious person but I think the fact that my little girl took her birth into her own hands made me feel relaxed. She got to choose when she was born and she took the burden off of me. This is the first of many gifts that she has given me as her mother.
I went into the operating room for my spinal block. While hunched over for the needle, I talked to my daughter in my belly. “I love you baby girl, I love you so much and I can’t wait to see you”. Then I started to go numb. The doctors prepped for the procedure and my husband joined us just before it started. I was shaking from the medicine but again, still surprisingly calm.
I will never forget hearing her cry for the first time. As soon as I heard it I gasped and looked to Huy; then started crying myself. I was so close to meeting my sweet baby girl. Daddy got to see her first. He went over and cut her cord and took some photos of her. While she was getting examined he came back to show me her photo. I kept crying.
Finally they wrapped her up and Huy brought her over to my side for our first meeting and first family photo. My heart overflowed with love. I couldn’t hold her yet because I was still undergoing surgery but I was overcome with emotion. That’s our baby.
While the doctors stitched me up, Huy and Mia left to wait for me in recovery. It felt like an eternity. I just wanted to see my sweet girl. Finally I was wheeled to recovery and there she was under the heat lamp. Unfortunately, I was still shaking and became nauseous from the medicine. I couldn’t hold her for the first 2 hours of her life. I was puking and felt nervous. I was nervous that since I didn’t get to hold her right away that’s he might not be able to connect with me the same. I was wrong.
I finally held her and she was perfect. She’s everything I had dreamed of and more. The fact that I ended up having strong contractions, the cesarean and feeling so sick and awful after made me upset at first. But now as I reflect on the birth, I think it was perfect. It was perfect because it brought me the love of my life.
I’ve faced many challenges in life and have found that the reward is always sweeter on the other side when you have to do something scary. This birth gave me a healthy baby girl and the confidence to step into my role as a mother. I look in the mirror while holding her and just think “damn, we are doing this and we are doing this well. We are going to be alright”.
I want you to feel confident when going into your birth. Even if it doesn’t go as planned. Even if you’re scared. Just know that everything happens for a reason and when you look back you will see the beauty in the process of facing the unknown with an open mind.
Leave a comment if you have a special birth plan prepared. Or if you already gave birth, how was it different than you planned or imagined? I want to hear your stories!
Thanks for reading!
Read next:
11 Fun Things To Do With Your Newborn Baby
xo
Mother of Fawn